Locked away in the bathroom
Avoiding everything but the sorrow.
Who knew she could take away the only solitude of trust I had
Who knew her collected tone could pierce my heart
The one I could confide to and never be judged
My truest friend…
Oh how you broke my heart.
After everything I have forgiven you for
You turn your back…
Loneliness was always a friend
But now it seems it is my twin…
Her trauma wrote what her future
Poems written out of desperation
For someone to save her.
Atlas, no one heard her cries
In the darkness or at sunrise.
Fearing the wind would whisper
Her secrets to a stranger
Maybe then she would find a savior.
Years grew over her soul
Like a house full of bones.
Her inner sadness trapped inside
To never once show its eyeless mask.
Old enough to understand
What she suffered was more common
Than having a friend.
Long ago, she was i
And I was she.
Now I have come to sense
They all failed me.
As I toil with their expectations
Knowing I’ll never be free
Or be what they want me to be.
The perfect daughter or the perfect wife
I seize to be what they want from me.
Exhausted of trying so hard
To receive but a taste of the cake
I helped create.
What we built has only been based
On the equation of my mistakes.
He plays his games with my heart
To pretend he will change even if it’s
Just for a part.
The words he sarcastically deem
Upon this selfless soul
Who will always, somehow, feel alone.
I refuse to be a piece of my downfall
In the years to come.
The fire she hearth for herself
Has diminished with simple words.
Her inner ambition
Shot to the ground by change.
Unknowingly, it was a blessing in disguise.
Vulnerability is all she felt in that moment
Of self doubt.
Everyone tells her what she needs but none cared
To truly see that this killed her every hope.
The lions pride must wither away so the journey could present itself in more than one way.
Now she must reflect on what’s to come and the suffering she must endure to make it through a day..
For now, all she can do is cry and self blame
Because only I know that I’m already drained…
He guilts trip me for wanting my alone time
Yet if he really knew what was on my mind.
Sick and tired of all the lies
He did this to me.
Made me resent because of how he use to treat me.
Loyal through it all
Damaged by your hands.
I remember the one time you laid them on me
An image I can never forget.
Unintentional because of the withdrawals
How do you expect me to just forget?
No one to hear my cries
Nothing to console my soul
For I am truly alone..
I’ve done nothing but cry
Seeing my reflection in my own eyes
Is just a reminder of how much I can break.
No one really cares to comfort me
It doesn’t even matter anyways
You’ve made it clear
You can’t talk to me…
Realizing I’m less important
Than i thought I’d be
Keep thinking about what you need
Which is me
Knowing every time we live shorter hours
We lose opportunities
Can it be I am less than
Cruel truths dwindle deep Into my soul
For I am aware of where this road leads
Despair grasping my heart
Because I am not what you need
The score has been settled
And we are in too deep..
For I am aware of where the scars will seep
Another piece left of me
On the ground by your feet
You can continue to wear the mask
To cover up your pain
For you are lonely , this you told me
As I tried to comfort you, knowing I have nothing to gain
But this isolated island of emotions
You helped create…
Another break in the glass
Fragmented by loss
My eyes steer away
So out of touch.
Either it be because of me
Or my thoughts
I cannot say.
I weep as the hours tick by
No one knows the true pain inside.
Another month will go by
And yet the wounds will never heal right.
All I want is to sit in the dark
While my world falls apart.
It had to be done
Or it would’ve never worked.
If it was meant to be
You will see
This had a purpose all along.
Despair and sorrow grasp my neck
As I suffocate under the veil of an selfless act
When will the day arrive where I never once
Have to doubt.
Frustration and self hatred fuel the rage
Of my own mistakes.
The indention of my scars are digging deeper
Reminding me of an age of disappointments
Oh, the never ending broken promises.
Cold and abandonment
Have paved the way of my ever growing book of life.