In the cold bathtub, I lay in the water
Hoping to find warmth in the pool of tears.
Drinking away my health
As I sit here.
No one to hold me through this phase
Alone with my alcohol to numb the pain.
what the day unfolded when seeking answers for questions unspoken
I was there in your darkest days
Without question, we always were on the same page.
Synced into existence, we slowly became
Sisters from different men.
We shared the same battle
We grew from fires
Reborn into the same moon cycle
I bid you clarification
Fo this day , you’ll soon regain
The deepest refrain of speaking truth
When all could grow from the roots
Of your disdain.
Locked away in the bathroom
Avoiding everything but the sorrow.
Who knew she could take away the only solitude of trust I had
Who knew her collected tone could pierce my heart
The one I could confide to and never be judged
My truest friend…
Oh how you broke my heart.
After everything I have forgiven you for
You turn your back…
Loneliness was always a friend
But now it seems it is my twin…
As I toil with their expectations
Knowing I’ll never be free
Or be what they want me to be.
The perfect daughter or the perfect wife
I seize to be what they want from me.
Exhausted of trying so hard
To receive but a taste of the cake
I helped create.
What we built has only been based
On the equation of my mistakes.
He plays his games with my heart
To pretend he will change even if it’s
Just for a part.
The words he sarcastically deem
Upon this selfless soul
Who will always, somehow, feel alone.
I refuse to be a piece of my downfall
In the years to come.
If I simply murdered my secrets
You’d be taking steps into the gates of hell
Since behind the many masks I wear
Is a darkness that will never tell.
An abyss formed long ago
When his hands and weight captured
My fragile innocence.
After years of bottling the loath
It is time to let it all go.
So young to believe
Her own family would conceive
Such a monster who only knew deceit.
Finally, a part of me has laid to rest
And forgiveness was the final test.
I shared my story and my life
To only be used in your right.
I have only known pain and discomfort
Yet you brought hell to my doorstep.
Never knowing of what’s to come
Only your deceitfulness In one way more than one .
You’ve spoken your truth
As have I.
Just kill me as the others have done
You’re no different than one hundred and one.
Convinced I was to finally meet happiness
But I was wrong.
Instead, I’ve met my doom in more ways than one..
I wanted to end it all
This suffering and pain
But I have chosen to cry it out
To live another day.
Never expect anyone to meet you halfway
Because In the end there is always no one to help you through the pain.
Every time it’s mentioned
You turn it around
I’m the one who blames you
I’m the one who only mentions myself
I’m the selfish one.
Why must it be this difficult for you to see
That I am in need
Of your presence or to feel your concern.
Instead, I’m the one whose truly lonely
While your mind is preoccupied with what’s to come.
And so it begins, my dependability on you
As well as my suffering by your words and actions.
Another is far
The other is close
Who will be the one, here the most?
Now would be the moment to show
What your love is capable of.
Through my hard times
I will need, the love and comfort
To help me breathe.
It seems the universe has granted a test
To see which path I will choose ahead.
The fire she hearth for herself
Has diminished with simple words.
Her inner ambition
Shot to the ground by change.
Unknowingly, it was a blessing in disguise.
Vulnerability is all she felt in that moment
Of self doubt.
Everyone tells her what she needs but none cared
To truly see that this killed her every hope.
The lions pride must wither away so the journey could present itself in more than one way.
Now she must reflect on what’s to come and the suffering she must endure to make it through a day..
For now, all she can do is cry and self blame
Because only I know that I’m already drained…
Contemplating if I should even care anymore
Every day, the battle becomes harder
At least for me it is.
I know nothing of your struggles
Which makes it all the true
I was simply just another pursuit.
All I do is doubt everything I know
And everything I’ve been told.
Growing bitter by the day
Believe me, when I say
This is the reason I refrained from letting you in
Because now it has been taken away.
My struggle must reap satisfaction to you
Knowing how someone could truly love
The person you are and will become.
Everyone senses the drastic change
I suppose it’s written on my face.
Though I tried to hide it
I guess I’ll just live with it day by day…
Miles and people in between
We are the only ones who could truly see
The beautiful souls of us two
Intertwined under the moon.
How is it we are told to follow our hearts?
Yet if we did, there would be chaos
From every side trying to pull us apart.
Here we remain, living the same routine
In an infinity loop of loneliness.
As the days go by, my mind becomes impatient.
It won’t last since now I have a plan.
However, it still doesn’t change the brokenness inside.
Torn from your words
Those soft lips
And strong hands
I shall miss you terribly until this separation ends..