The Betrayal

I raised you up to the highest peak

Picked you up from the lowest depth

Yet none of it mattered.

The cards mentioned an intangible event

Never did I think it’d be our bond

Set up to die.

Your past behavior should’ve been the sign

For it was clear, our friendship

was all but mine.

12 Years …Gone.

Locked away in the bathroom

Avoiding everything but the sorrow.

Who knew she could take away the only solitude of trust I had

Who knew her collected tone could pierce my heart

The one I could confide to and never be judged

My truest friend…

Oh how you broke my heart.

After everything I have forgiven you for

You turn your back…

Loneliness was always a friend

But now it seems it is my twin…

Piece of Cake

As I toil with their expectations

Knowing I’ll never be free

Or be what they want me to be.

The perfect daughter or the perfect wife

I seize to be what they want from me.

Exhausted of trying so hard

To receive but a taste of the cake

I helped create.

What we built has only been based

On the equation of my mistakes.

He plays his games with my heart

To pretend he will change even if it’s

Just for a part.

The words he sarcastically deem

Upon this selfless soul

Who will always, somehow, feel alone.

I refuse to be a piece of my downfall

In the years to come.

My Unborn Child

Dear child of mine

Under the moonlight

I recall the night

Feeling you grow

There was no way to know

Of what was to come.

I dreamt of you sitting by the river

Smiling and laughing

Oh, how every year

I think of you.

I remember the screams

As I saw the blood on my sheets.

This year, you would’ve been five

What wouldn’t I give

Just to have you by my side.

Those months after you died

Were the hardest of my life.

I forever dream of the day

We shall meet again.

The time has come where I must

Forgive myself and let you go.

For you will always be entangled in my soul.

Te amo mi niƱo querido…

Unforgivable

I shared my story and my life

To only be used in your right.

I have only known pain and discomfort

Yet you brought hell to my doorstep.

Never knowing of what’s to come

Only your deceitfulness In one way more than one .

You’ve spoken your truth

As have I.

Just kill me as the others have done

You’re no different than one hundred and one.

Convinced I was to finally meet happiness

But I was wrong.

Instead, I’ve met my doom in more ways than one..

I wanted to end it all

This suffering and pain

But I have chosen to cry it out

To live another day.

Never expect anyone to meet you halfway

Because In the end there is always no one to help you through the pain.

Dependability

Every time it’s mentioned

You turn it around

I’m the one who blames you

I’m the one who only mentions myself

I’m the selfish one.

Why must it be this difficult for you to see

That I am in need

Of your presence or to feel your concern.

Instead, I’m the one whose truly lonely

While your mind is preoccupied with what’s to come.

And so it begins, my dependability on you

As well as my suffering by your words and actions.

Drained

The fire she hearth for herself

Has diminished with simple words.

Her inner ambition

Shot to the ground by change.

Unknowingly, it was a blessing in disguise.

Vulnerability is all she felt in that moment

Of self doubt.

Everyone tells her what she needs but none cared

To truly see that this killed her every hope.

The lions pride must wither away so the journey could present itself in more than one way.

Now she must reflect on what’s to come and the suffering she must endure to make it through a day..

For now, all she can do is cry and self blame

Because only I know that I’m already drained…

Day 3: Bitterness

Contemplating if I should even care anymore

Every day, the battle becomes harder

At least for me it is.

I know nothing of your struggles

Which makes it all the true

I was simply just another pursuit.

All I do is doubt everything I know

And everything I’ve been told.

Growing bitter by the day

Believe me, when I say

This is the reason I refrained from letting you in

Because now it has been taken away.

My struggle must reap satisfaction to you

Knowing how someone could truly love

The person you are and will become.

Everyone senses the drastic change

I suppose it’s written on my face.

Though I tried to hide it

I guess I’ll just live with it day by day…

Guilt Tripped

He guilts trip me for wanting my alone time

Yet if he really knew what was on my mind.

Sick and tired of all the lies

He did this to me.

Made me resent because of how he use to treat me.

Loyal through it all

Damaged by your hands.

I remember the one time you laid them on me

An image I can never forget.

Unintentional because of the withdrawals

How do you expect me to just forget?