I raised you up to the highest peak
Picked you up from the lowest depth
Yet none of it mattered.
The cards mentioned an intangible event
Never did I think it’d be our bond
Set up to die.
Your past behavior should’ve been the sign
For it was clear, our friendship
was all but mine.
Locked away in the bathroom
Avoiding everything but the sorrow.
Who knew she could take away the only solitude of trust I had
Who knew her collected tone could pierce my heart
The one I could confide to and never be judged
My truest friend…
Oh how you broke my heart.
After everything I have forgiven you for
You turn your back…
Loneliness was always a friend
But now it seems it is my twin…
As I toil with their expectations
Knowing I’ll never be free
Or be what they want me to be.
The perfect daughter or the perfect wife
I seize to be what they want from me.
Exhausted of trying so hard
To receive but a taste of the cake
I helped create.
What we built has only been based
On the equation of my mistakes.
He plays his games with my heart
To pretend he will change even if it’s
Just for a part.
The words he sarcastically deem
Upon this selfless soul
Who will always, somehow, feel alone.
I refuse to be a piece of my downfall
In the years to come.
Dear child of mine
Under the moonlight
I recall the night
Feeling you grow
There was no way to know
Of what was to come.
I dreamt of you sitting by the river
Smiling and laughing
Oh, how every year
I think of you.
I remember the screams
As I saw the blood on my sheets.
This year, you would’ve been five
What wouldn’t I give
Just to have you by my side.
Those months after you died
Were the hardest of my life.
I forever dream of the day
We shall meet again.
The time has come where I must
Forgive myself and let you go.
For you will always be entangled in my soul.
Te amo mi niño querido…
I shared my story and my life
To only be used in your right.
I have only known pain and discomfort
Yet you brought hell to my doorstep.
Never knowing of what’s to come
Only your deceitfulness In one way more than one .
You’ve spoken your truth
As have I.
Just kill me as the others have done
You’re no different than one hundred and one.
Convinced I was to finally meet happiness
But I was wrong.
Instead, I’ve met my doom in more ways than one..
I wanted to end it all
This suffering and pain
But I have chosen to cry it out
To live another day.
Never expect anyone to meet you halfway
Because In the end there is always no one to help you through the pain.
Every time it’s mentioned
You turn it around
I’m the one who blames you
I’m the one who only mentions myself
I’m the selfish one.
Why must it be this difficult for you to see
That I am in need
Of your presence or to feel your concern.
Instead, I’m the one whose truly lonely
While your mind is preoccupied with what’s to come.
And so it begins, my dependability on you
As well as my suffering by your words and actions.
The fire she hearth for herself
Has diminished with simple words.
Her inner ambition
Shot to the ground by change.
Unknowingly, it was a blessing in disguise.
Vulnerability is all she felt in that moment
Of self doubt.
Everyone tells her what she needs but none cared
To truly see that this killed her every hope.
The lions pride must wither away so the journey could present itself in more than one way.
Now she must reflect on what’s to come and the suffering she must endure to make it through a day..
For now, all she can do is cry and self blame
Because only I know that I’m already drained…
Contemplating if I should even care anymore
Every day, the battle becomes harder
At least for me it is.
I know nothing of your struggles
Which makes it all the true
I was simply just another pursuit.
All I do is doubt everything I know
And everything I’ve been told.
Growing bitter by the day
Believe me, when I say
This is the reason I refrained from letting you in
Because now it has been taken away.
My struggle must reap satisfaction to you
Knowing how someone could truly love
The person you are and will become.
Everyone senses the drastic change
I suppose it’s written on my face.
Though I tried to hide it
I guess I’ll just live with it day by day…
He guilts trip me for wanting my alone time
Yet if he really knew what was on my mind.
Sick and tired of all the lies
He did this to me.
Made me resent because of how he use to treat me.
Loyal through it all
Damaged by your hands.
I remember the one time you laid them on me
An image I can never forget.
Unintentional because of the withdrawals
How do you expect me to just forget?
No one to hear my cries
Nothing to console my soul
For I am truly alone..
I’ve done nothing but cry
Seeing my reflection in my own eyes
Is just a reminder of how much I can break.
No one really cares to comfort me
It doesn’t even matter anyways
You’ve made it clear
You can’t talk to me…