12 Years …Gone.

Locked away in the bathroom

Avoiding everything but the sorrow.

Who knew she could take away the only solitude of trust I had

Who knew her collected tone could pierce my heart

The one I could confide to and never be judged

My truest friend…

Oh how you broke my heart.

After everything I have forgiven you for

You turn your back…

Loneliness was always a friend

But now it seems it is my twin…

Piece of Cake

As I toil with their expectations

Knowing I’ll never be free

Or be what they want me to be.

The perfect daughter or the perfect wife

I seize to be what they want from me.

Exhausted of trying so hard

To receive but a taste of the cake

I helped create.

What we built has only been based

On the equation of my mistakes.

He plays his games with my heart

To pretend he will change even if it’s

Just for a part.

The words he sarcastically deem

Upon this selfless soul

Who will always, somehow, feel alone.

I refuse to be a piece of my downfall

In the years to come.

My Truth will be Heard

If I simply murdered my secrets

You’d be taking steps into the gates of hell

Since behind the many masks I wear

Is a darkness that will never tell.

An abyss formed long ago

When his hands and weight captured

My fragile innocence.

After years of bottling the loath

It is time to let it all go.

So young to believe

Her own family would conceive

Such a monster who only knew deceit.

Finally, a part of me has laid to rest

And forgiveness was the final test.

My Unborn Child

Dear child of mine

Under the moonlight

I recall the night

Feeling you grow

There was no way to know

Of what was to come.

I dreamt of you sitting by the river

Smiling and laughing

Oh, how every year

I think of you.

I remember the screams

As I saw the blood on my sheets.

This year, you would’ve been five

What wouldn’t I give

Just to have you by my side.

Those months after you died

Were the hardest of my life.

I forever dream of the day

We shall meet again.

The time has come where I must

Forgive myself and let you go.

For you will always be entangled in my soul.

Te amo mi niƱo querido…

Unforgivable

I shared my story and my life

To only be used in your right.

I have only known pain and discomfort

Yet you brought hell to my doorstep.

Never knowing of what’s to come

Only your deceitfulness In one way more than one .

You’ve spoken your truth

As have I.

Just kill me as the others have done

You’re no different than one hundred and one.

Convinced I was to finally meet happiness

But I was wrong.

Instead, I’ve met my doom in more ways than one..

I wanted to end it all

This suffering and pain

But I have chosen to cry it out

To live another day.

Never expect anyone to meet you halfway

Because In the end there is always no one to help you through the pain.

Dependability

Every time it’s mentioned

You turn it around

I’m the one who blames you

I’m the one who only mentions myself

I’m the selfish one.

Why must it be this difficult for you to see

That I am in need

Of your presence or to feel your concern.

Instead, I’m the one whose truly lonely

While your mind is preoccupied with what’s to come.

And so it begins, my dependability on you

As well as my suffering by your words and actions.

Drained

The fire she hearth for herself

Has diminished with simple words.

Her inner ambition

Shot to the ground by change.

Unknowingly, it was a blessing in disguise.

Vulnerability is all she felt in that moment

Of self doubt.

Everyone tells her what she needs but none cared

To truly see that this killed her every hope.

The lions pride must wither away so the journey could present itself in more than one way.

Now she must reflect on what’s to come and the suffering she must endure to make it through a day..

For now, all she can do is cry and self blame

Because only I know that I’m already drained…

The Broken pt.2

Miles and people in between

We are the only ones who could truly see

The beautiful souls of us two

Intertwined under the moon.

How is it we are told to follow our hearts?

Yet if we did, there would be chaos

From every side trying to pull us apart.

Here we remain, living the same routine

In an infinity loop of loneliness.

As the days go by, my mind becomes impatient.

It won’t last since now I have a plan.

However, it still doesn’t change the brokenness inside.

Torn from your words

Those soft lips

And strong hands

I shall miss you terribly until this separation ends..

Day 2: Loneliness

Pacing around

Trying to distract myself

So I won’t think of you

Is a task I have been unable to accomplish.

As I laid on the bed

Watching a movie

All I could do was imagine your arms

Around me even if it was for a moment or two.

I don’t even have anyone I can pour my heart out

Not the way we use to do..

Sending you messages just to remind myself

You won’t respond because it’ll torture you.

What am I suppose to do if not feel lonely?

My Apology

All these emotions came at once

Never halting for me to catch my breath.

If you called me, you would hear

The breaking of my soul in my tears.

A struggle for you as it is for me

Knowingly it would only cause more pain

Of having to say goodbye again.

No one truly sees the turmoil inside

Behind the smile

Except for you since you’re the only one

Who is going through it too.

We chip away slowly through the days

Until we can finally be reunited again.

Ashamed of making it known

How weak I must appear behind the words.

I am sorry for my actions

You were never meant to see how torn I can be

When my heart gets the best of me.

* you weren’t meant to see how much this has hurt me and for that, I am sorry. ..