Locked away in the bathroom
Avoiding everything but the sorrow.
Who knew she could take away the only solitude of trust I had
Who knew her collected tone could pierce my heart
The one I could confide to and never be judged
My truest friend…
Oh how you broke my heart.
After everything I have forgiven you for
You turn your back…
Loneliness was always a friend
But now it seems it is my twin…
As I toil with their expectations
Knowing I’ll never be free
Or be what they want me to be.
The perfect daughter or the perfect wife
I seize to be what they want from me.
Exhausted of trying so hard
To receive but a taste of the cake
I helped create.
What we built has only been based
On the equation of my mistakes.
He plays his games with my heart
To pretend he will change even if it’s
Just for a part.
The words he sarcastically deem
Upon this selfless soul
Who will always, somehow, feel alone.
I refuse to be a piece of my downfall
In the years to come.
If I simply murdered my secrets
You’d be taking steps into the gates of hell
Since behind the many masks I wear
Is a darkness that will never tell.
An abyss formed long ago
When his hands and weight captured
My fragile innocence.
After years of bottling the loath
It is time to let it all go.
So young to believe
Her own family would conceive
Such a monster who only knew deceit.
Finally, a part of me has laid to rest
And forgiveness was the final test.
Dear child of mine
Under the moonlight
I recall the night
Feeling you grow
There was no way to know
Of what was to come.
I dreamt of you sitting by the river
Smiling and laughing
Oh, how every year
I think of you.
I remember the screams
As I saw the blood on my sheets.
This year, you would’ve been five
What wouldn’t I give
Just to have you by my side.
Those months after you died
Were the hardest of my life.
I forever dream of the day
We shall meet again.
The time has come where I must
Forgive myself and let you go.
For you will always be entangled in my soul.
Te amo mi niño querido…
I shared my story and my life
To only be used in your right.
I have only known pain and discomfort
Yet you brought hell to my doorstep.
Never knowing of what’s to come
Only your deceitfulness In one way more than one .
You’ve spoken your truth
As have I.
Just kill me as the others have done
You’re no different than one hundred and one.
Convinced I was to finally meet happiness
But I was wrong.
Instead, I’ve met my doom in more ways than one..
I wanted to end it all
This suffering and pain
But I have chosen to cry it out
To live another day.
Never expect anyone to meet you halfway
Because In the end there is always no one to help you through the pain.
Every time it’s mentioned
You turn it around
I’m the one who blames you
I’m the one who only mentions myself
I’m the selfish one.
Why must it be this difficult for you to see
That I am in need
Of your presence or to feel your concern.
Instead, I’m the one whose truly lonely
While your mind is preoccupied with what’s to come.
And so it begins, my dependability on you
As well as my suffering by your words and actions.
The fire she hearth for herself
Has diminished with simple words.
Her inner ambition
Shot to the ground by change.
Unknowingly, it was a blessing in disguise.
Vulnerability is all she felt in that moment
Of self doubt.
Everyone tells her what she needs but none cared
To truly see that this killed her every hope.
The lions pride must wither away so the journey could present itself in more than one way.
Now she must reflect on what’s to come and the suffering she must endure to make it through a day..
For now, all she can do is cry and self blame
Because only I know that I’m already drained…
Miles and people in between
We are the only ones who could truly see
The beautiful souls of us two
Intertwined under the moon.
How is it we are told to follow our hearts?
Yet if we did, there would be chaos
From every side trying to pull us apart.
Here we remain, living the same routine
In an infinity loop of loneliness.
As the days go by, my mind becomes impatient.
It won’t last since now I have a plan.
However, it still doesn’t change the brokenness inside.
Torn from your words
Those soft lips
And strong hands
I shall miss you terribly until this separation ends..
Trying to distract myself
So I won’t think of you
Is a task I have been unable to accomplish.
As I laid on the bed
Watching a movie
All I could do was imagine your arms
Around me even if it was for a moment or two.
I don’t even have anyone I can pour my heart out
Not the way we use to do..
Sending you messages just to remind myself
You won’t respond because it’ll torture you.
What am I suppose to do if not feel lonely?
All these emotions came at once
Never halting for me to catch my breath.
If you called me, you would hear
The breaking of my soul in my tears.
A struggle for you as it is for me
Knowingly it would only cause more pain
Of having to say goodbye again.
No one truly sees the turmoil inside
Behind the smile
Except for you since you’re the only one
Who is going through it too.
We chip away slowly through the days
Until we can finally be reunited again.
Ashamed of making it known
How weak I must appear behind the words.
I am sorry for my actions
You were never meant to see how torn I can be
When my heart gets the best of me.
* you weren’t meant to see how much this has hurt me and for that, I am sorry. ..